It’s been 27 months now, since I saw my Mother alive, heard her voice, or touched her, and held her close. I write about her often, either on my FB page, or here.. I’ve shared a couple of her stories of her life, growing up in the depression.. It has been therapeutic for me to talk of her, here, or to my grandchildren, or a perfect stranger for that matter..It keeps my heart from busting open at times, just allowing her stories, her life, her ways, her words, to pour out of me, and continue to take on
their life. Many may say why can’t you just let go? I will never let go, I’ll celebrate her life everyday that God allows me too. I know that not all women reading this will understand, but I was so blessed to have a Mother that loved me no matter what, stood with me, and allowed me to be me. Even when I know in my heart she might have wished I’d went in other directions at times.
She told me many times she was proud of me, as a Mother, woman, and as her daughter. I as a teen, and young adult, did things that maybe she was not always proud of, and she told me so. But, she stood beside me, as a Mothers does. I always knew that when the day came and God called her home, I’d be totally lost. And I lost I was.. I felt so alone, even with people around me. But that didn’t began to describe what I went through the first year, or so after her death and still today in many ways. I was so lost, I felt as if a part of me had died and gone with her. My grief at first was shock, know that I looking back, it took me 6 months to realize she was not coming back, she had joined my dad, and she wanted that. She missed him so much.
She died from a massive stroke, nine months to the day of my Dad’s death. It was not expected, as my dad’s death was, he had been ill for about 2 years before his heart gave out on him.. I can’t explain to anyone of you what it feels like to lose your parents at any age. To no longer have parents here on earth. Most of us will go through it, and while it is hard, the hardest thing I’ve done so far in 56 years.. You learn in ways how to cope, how to carry on, and move forward..I find myself saying, wow what would Mom think about this, about my grandchildren today, she loved them so.. While it has been 27 months, in so many ways it seems like yesterday. Then years ago in other ways..I know she can not see me here, see me cry, my pain , and how much I am still saddened by her untimely death.. The Bible tells us there will be no sadness in Heaven, so when I have encountered her, I know it was her Angles that had come to comfort me.. To let me know she was ok, and that I would see her again..
So, for the ones reading this that has lost a loved one, we do not have to let go. Why would anyone even think that. I will never let go of the hand and heart that gave me life, shared so much with me. And was above all a good Mother, wife woman, sister, and friend. You do not have to let go, you may keep their memory alive within your heart until you see them again..