Why I talk about letting go ~

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I guess so many of you that follow me wonder “who I am” and why I am here and on facebook. It all started with facebook when I lost my Mother in October of 2010, nine months to the day of my father’s death. I was lost, truly lost.. I felt as though part of me had died as well. Starting my facebook page was my saving Grace after her death, I had so much to share, and I needed to get it out.. My life had been, well not always so wonderful, but threw it all God was there with me, I just didn’t know it until I looked back, is that not what we all say?  My Mother was my rock, my best friend, and strength. Days before her sudden death, she asked me if I would be strong when it was her time to go, and to promise her that I would be. Well, no child at any age wants to hear that. I said mama, I can not promise you that I will be alright without here, no Mama , but I can promise you, I will try.Thinking God I can’t be without her, you know that.. I guess many people just didn’t understand the bond I had with my Mother, and why letting go of her was so hard for me..  My father was an alcoholic, and could be self centered at times. Yet he always worked hard and provided well for us.

 My Mother was just the opposite, she thought about everyone but herself, sadly. She was mine and my brothers rock growing up, and as adults. I guess the fact that you grow up in a home that looks one way to the outside, but sometimes another way on the inside makes it confusing, even to yourself.. A lot of my childhood was spent daydreaming.. It is just part of my nature to dream of things to come, better things. I believe God always had better things for me , than some of  the painful events that have taken place in my life.. God has shown and given me so much to be thankful for.. Like a flower that starts off pretty, then looks wilted, almost gone, he nurtured me and I felt that a beautiful person came to life, but only by his Grace was it even possible, so I give him all the glory. 

I always wondered why my mama stayed with my dad when I was younger.. I thought at a young age and even asked my mama, why can’t we just leave, if you are unhappy, but little did I know. We don’t just walk away when the going gets tough, we are married, remember, for better or worse ..  We did once, but mama went back to my dad. They had a love that as a child I didn’t understand. Until I married Mr Shabby, and several years later he began to drink, and do drugs . Until it became a habit that I could no longer live with. So, I had to decide move past this, and find my peace in this life, peace I felt I was entitled too as a human being, and a child of God. So, I let go, and set Mr shabby free, and I picked up the pieces and went on.. Very hard when you love someone, and have to let go of that in order to find peace. At the time it was  painful, and  I wondered if the peace would ever come. I prayed for Mr Shabby’s salvation, and his addictions. And it was not until that time that I understood my mama’s pure love for better or worse to my dad. And that all of those years she too had prayed for my Dad’s salvation. If did come Praise God, and Dad stopped drinking about 20 years before his death.. They traveled and had some wonderful times together, I am so grateful to the LOrd for tat, to get to see that. The love and bond they had together.

Months went by and then Mr Shabby and I met,  and had a heart to heart for the last time for me.. He told me he had lost everything he ever loved, and wanted to change his life, he didn’t want this life he had been drowning in. So, he started therapy, then back in church, one day at a time. It has been over two years that he had been totally clean, and a better man. But a battle for us both daily. We had many wonderful years before his addiction, and I continue to pray for his recovery daily.. That God will bless us with many more years of bliss, addiction free, and living the life God had planned for us all along. So, when I say I know dysfunction, and hardships, I am speaking from the heart to all of you.. I can’t tell you what is best for you, but for me, letting go was hard, but in the end, it came back to me, 10 fold.. To God be the glory.. Then came the letting of my Dad, then my Mother, but that is for another time.

~Debbie~ 

 

Comments

  1. I love your posts!! I aspire to be like you though I have never met you. You can tell when a person is good just through their words. I too have been hurt deeply by a good friend of my husband who is what we now have come to realize, an alcoholic. ” Hurt people hurt people”. Because we are such good people and care so deeply about the happiness of others it hurts more and cuts deeper when we get hurt by them. I pray for your continued happiness with Mr Shabby.

  2. Janice Wagner says:

    Debbie…..I think if we ever met, we would be forever friends! I love your posts. I look forward to seeing the pictures and reading all you have to say. My 31 yr old daughter has been a drug addict for at least 13 yrs. We pray for her recovery daily! After many stays in jail and being on the street….she still hasn’t been able to quit. God has saved her many times and I have faith she will someday go to Him and be completely set free from all her addictions. Praying for you and Mr. Shabby, to continue to live a full life free from all those issues that make life difficult!

    Janice

    • Janice, my heart goes out to you. It is awful, it destroy’s lives.. I will pray that she can break free from this stronghold.. It is not easy.. But with God it can be as easy as 1,2,3.. and for Mr Shabby and I, it is one day at a time.. God bless you, and your daughter Janice, I do know what it is like..

      Debbie

      • Margaret says:

        I will be praying for your husband. My father was an alcoholic and then after my parents divorced, my mother married another alcoholic. My childhood (and that of my 3 sisters) was destroyed by this sickness. But God is so good, though all the misery and the hurt He was there. I love Him and praise Him for bringing us all through it. My husband (married 23 yrs now) starting drinking in Boy Scouts at the age of 16yrs. He descended very quickly into his own personal hell and almost didn’t live through it. He was hospitalized several times and then God delivered him from the addiction to alcohol. On August 2, he will celebrated 32 yrs since he took his last drink!!! We praise God and give Him all the glory. He is still a Deliverer!!!

      • Jennifer says:

        I can identify with you. I have been married for almost 46 years and it hasn’t been easy all the time. You are doing the right thing by staying with your husband for better or worse. God will reward you for your commitment to the covenant you made with your husband when you married him. You are blessed.

  3. Jennifer says:

    I can identify with your story. Only my mother was the alcoholic. Unfortunately my mom & dad did get a divorce when I was 9, which caused me to go live with my dad at age 12. I married the man I fell in love with at age 19 and I thought we would live happily ever after. But things don’t always work out that way in real life. After 40 years of marriage, I found out my husband was an alcoholic. I was so hurt and devastated to say the least. There had been signs for years, but I never caught on until one day he had a DUI and I had to get him out of jail. Since then, he has been going to AA and I to Al-anon. We are both Christians and love the Lord very much. I am believing that our last days together will be better than our first. And I admire you for staying with your husband for better or for worst.

  4. God will bless you for the covenant you made to stay with your husband for better or for worse.

  5. Thank you Debbie for sharing your heart. I have never written to you before, but have followed all of your posts. You are such an inspiration and it just makes me smile at the end of a long hard day when I read your uplifting post and see your beautiful pictures. I just wanted to say thank you and I will keep you, Mr. Shabby and your family in my prayers.

    Lisa

    • Lisa, I want to inspire others, and help them through their struggles in anyway that I can. I guess it is who I am.. And where i have been in my life. God has given me that gift, the gift to share hope… God bless you..

      Debbie

  6. Susan Hager says:

    Dear Debbie,

    How brave of you to share your struggles and your joys with total strangers. I am sitting here after reading your story with tears running down my face. What a blessing for me to have met you. Like most of us, I have had my struggles and they have toughened me and in some ways hardened me. Your story and your posts have touched me in a way that I’ve not been in a long time. Thank you much.

    Susan

  7. Betsy Greenwald says:

    I just LOVE your posts! I, too, was very close to my Mom who passed away 8 years ago. No one can take the place of a Mom no matter our age. I have tried to find your blog that was published in an angel book regarding your Mom visiting you one Christmas. I would love to read it. I have looked at your previous posts but cannot locate it.

  8. Betsy Greenwald says:

    Love your posts…I feel like you are a friend I have known for years! My Mom passed away 8 years ago. We were very close also. No matter how old we get it is so difficult to lose a Mom. I would like to read the blog you wrote regarding your Mom’s Christmas “visit” but cannot locate it. Can you help me?

  9. Debbie, I feel for you, but know you are such a blessing to so many of us! My parents were alcoholics, but quit the last 10 years of their lives, due to prayers, we are sure! We lost our parents 4 months apart, & it was a shock & grief we had never experienced! We had a long time before we could speak of them without tears. Just know it does get better, & I think you have done a brilliant job by doung this, & inspring others! Thank you, Debbie& Mr. Shabby, too!

  10. Christina says:

    Hi Debbie:
    I too had a childhood like yours. My Dad was a violent alcoholic and my sisters and I were used to craziness growing up. My mother tried to keep her family together but divorce became inevitable. My mom lived with my husband and I for 25 of our 28 years of marriage. She too was my best friend and it was a privilege to take care of her in the last year of her life. She died 12/18/09. I miss her every single day. I hope you remember that we are our mother’s daughters. We have the same strength to make it thru anything that comes our way. We had great examples of love and grace. I love you, Debbie. Keep going. You mom has forged the path.

  11. My goodness…..in the moment I needed to hear “Let go”……My son has been through 22 months of rehab and recovery in a sober living home and then back into a great college in VA…..thought he was doing great until he came home this summer. He admitted to us two days ago that he has been smoking pot for weeks now and “there is not a thing wrong with it”. He is adamant and he is already in a fog and fairly delusional. Ironically, we are supposed to go to his rehab center’s reunion this weekend and he still wants to go–I think he thinks he is going to convince them of the virtues of pot. Really? I have been so distraught, have been attending Alanon and trying desparately to LET GO and let God take the situation (which he is already fully watching, of course) but I have not slept in days…… I am scared, though I know scripture says fear is not of God, I cannot shake it. Asking for prayers. Asking for peace and for him to see the truth through the fog and go back to sobriety, with God’s help. It is so hard….I honor you for your courage to take a stand and applaud you for your loyalty and understanding the grace of God and extending it to your Mr. Shabby. We are all quite shabby….but He is kind and He loves us still. Romans 2:4

    • Kelby, it is hard not to be afraid, you are human, and he is your son.. Try to give it to God, and keep asking God for strength for you, and your son to walk away from this addiction.. May God perfect peace be with you Kelby, and your son..

      Debbie

  12. Georgia Rasmussen says:

    My mother and very best friend died suddenly when I was 20. My father was a deeply disturbed person
    Who cut of contact regularly with those people who tried to love him. There is no one else in my family.
    My husband of 46 years is developing Alzeimer’s Disease, and I’m the only caretaker. All these things
    Could have made me bitter, but I try to draw inspiration and strength from the contacts I’ve been
    Making via Facebook. I love your posts and find them to be like a spiritual meal…thank you for sharing
    So candidly. I pray for your continued strength, Debbie, and Mr. Shabby and any younger Shabby’s
    There might be.

  13. Debbie, my life was not a good one either. I had an alcoholic step father around the age of 9 who my mother (not divorced yet) brought home from the hospital for supper and never left. He was on cruthes at the time. There were three of us kids and he didn`t like any of us and we all knew it. I was made to cook and clean the house for the boys while they went out all the time. when he was drunk we were called all kinds of names and words i`d never heard of and being pushed around. mom chose him over us kids…we could not believe it. We never had a chance. When my older brother turned 17 mom signed him into the military, then it was my turn. I ran away from home and called a juvanile officer and told then my step dad had torn my room to pieces and I climbed out my bedroom window. I got to call my girlfriend and her dad and the officer put me in their charge. To make a long story shorter, we had to go to court and I didn`t have to return home but went to a foster home and a new school. The foster parents weren`t getting any money from my mom so it came time for me to have to go back home cause they couldn`t support me and a guy in the Army I was writing to told me he was coming up and I didn`t have to go home. Well, he did come home and I left with him cause my “non-caring” mother signed papers for me to marry him. A guy I never even ‘DATED’. Just so I didn`t have to go home. My home life was M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E. I don`t remember any happy times. M y GOD has blessed me with a man that is so good to me and I truely believes he is my SOULMATE. My man “finishes” me as a person. I now am happy in my life……my husband and my god…..doesn`t get better than that.

    • You know Bonnie,there are so many children from dysfunctional homes it is not even funny.. we just have to try to do better by our children, grandchildren, and I am thankful for the things God has given me.. Wisdom, discernment for sure, I can usually pick up on someone that is no good faster than others.. Mr Shabby says how do you do that, and I say to him, it is not me but the Holy Spirit. A gift of discernment, and when I was young I didn’t understand it, but I sure do now.. Have a wonderful day Bonnie..

      Debbie

  14. I love your blog. I think you touch the hearts of many. First time I’m responding because of the post of that Heavy Burden, that just needs to be un-loaded. Thanks, Debbie

  15. Martha Carter says:

    Thanks for sharing your story! I can understand your devotion to GOD! I don’t understand how any one can survive without GOD in their life! I always look forward to your posts….you find beauty in the world around you! I never experienced alcoholism in a family member….except that my daughter can’t stop drinking once she starts. I think her last time was her last time to drink alcohol. I do worry anytime she and her husband go out!

    The loss of my mother was one of the most traumatic events I have ever had to experience. It’s been 13 years and I still catch myself wanting to pick up the phone and talk with her. Watch for signs….
    I have had a number of communications….for instance, my desk calendar had a message on the date of her death (several years later) that said, “I never knew love could grow after death, until now”. How I wish I could give her one more hug!

    Thanks again for sharing! You are a wonderful inspiration!

    • Martha, it has been the hardest thing I’ve done thus far in my life.. To go each day and not see or talk to her.. 2.5 years now for me, still new..

      God bless you,
      Debbie

  16. Debbie I am speechless, Thank you for sharing your story. I have messaged you recently about your posts are inspiring but this…… Well all I can say is thank you, thank you for having the courage to share and let others know they are not alone.

  17. Oh Debbie, I have begun reading about your innermost self. Today has been dreadful; the day after one of the most tremendous losses I ever have experienced. When I began reading about your mother, your bond with her, your alcoholic father, it was as though I were looking back into my own tender years. I lost my mom in 2009, I was an only child, we had an incredible bond. Until yesterday, that was the hardest time of my life, her death. I will continue to read on tomorrow, for now I should go let it all out.

  18. Rebecca Noel says:

    Debbie: I love you! I bet we would be besties if we met! My 5 brothers & sisters and I grew up neglected & abused by both parents. They had weekend parties for all their alcoholic friends, then would fight about money during the week. Both parents died at 59, five yrs apart. Dad died of AIDS and mother died of emphysema & cancer. We were all scarred in various ways, for life. But i had God in my heart as a young person. I always knew He loved me. It took many yrs to understand and forgive my parents. But Glory to God, He saved me from my sins and my self!
    Thanks for sharing with us! You are doing a great work for Him. xxoo

  19. Thanks for sharing. I’m going through pretty much the same thing you just went through, but it’s not my husband with the addiction problems, it is my son. I know what you mean by painful. If a person could die from a broken heart, I think I’ve been in intensive care several times over the last few years and I’m operatiing on empty. I always pray the verse about raising your child in the way they should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it kicks in while I’m still here to see it. I have been chastised by every person under the sun that I need to get rid of him, kick him out on the street, etc., etc. etc.

    I do appreciate hearing your story. It gives me hope that he too may one day get tired of being sick and tired. I know I am. I just feel unable to put him out on the street when I know of his disabilities both mental and physical, and I know his heart. Alcohol and drug addictions reach out and grab every kind of person born on this earth. It doesn’t discriminate.

    For those of you who pray, please say a prayer for my son. I have to hold on to possibility that he will turn his life around, and it is only through God’s grace and help that he ever will. God bless you Debbie. Your story touched me. I pray that you and Mr. Shabby continue heading in the right direction and you both enjoy the peace that only comes from living in God’s will.

    • Liza,your story touched me, I could see some of me in it looking back. And of how many times I personally said I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of the same ole stuff, different day. Hold strong to your Faith, and allow God to help you let it go. What I mean by that is this, at some point you must get to a point of PEACE without his changing. And yes it can be done, it is not easy for us, but it is for God.. I will pray for you, and your son, pray indeed.. On Mondays when we have prayer request please ask for this prayer, and let all the wonderful folks there pray too.. You have me in your corner, but most of all God, maybe God wants a closer relationship with you..God be with you and your son through this time..

      Debbie

  20. Diane Eaves says:

    Have just visited your blogc for the first time…even though I constantly follow and love your fb. Shares… You inspire me so very much as I’m sure a host of others. Prayers……Peace…and Blessings to you and your family…..Much love to you awesome lady! .

    • Diane, I do hope that you till start to come here daily for our deals of the day. The ad’s, the fun, my stories.. Fb has gotten to where they control who ca see you, and here on my blog is where you call all see me all the time. we control that, and will be here daily

      Debbie

  21. Debbie I know how you feel, my parents died a few years a part. My dad was my rock, he took care of my mom who was paranoid schizophrenic. My entire life I felt I had taken care of her instead of her being the mom. After dad died it was worse. I love my mom, when she was healthy she was great. But during the bad times it made me very sad. Many times my only saving grace was the glory of God. My hubby was my rock. Now that I look back, I know there was a purpose, I beleive I was there to help her go through this and I did my best. I am remembering the good times and know that she is in a much better place with God. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing us to share ours. Di@Cottage-wishes

  22. My son, age 40, is an alcoholic – he always says his drinking is behind him. It is NOT! He lives out west and when he and his girlfriend said they were going to have a child, I was devastated. Two dysfunctional people should not have a child. They moved in with her mother and things have gone downhill (partially due to his drinking ). He’s trying to take care of this little boy (1 1/2) and work….I can’t thinking what if he passes out and Dante is with him. PRAYING for them every day but I just want this little boy to be where he’s really safe.
    Anyway I just read your blog and it really spoke to me.

  23. Dee Long says:

    Hi Debbie this my first visit to your blog. You are an inspiration to all. My husband has been sober 34 years and we are both in 12 step programs. I cannot emphasize how important group thereby can be. I was raised in heavy drinking,my mom, our son is 8 yrs dry. He doesn’t go to meetings. It comes a time when you must let God be God and not try to take His place. I’m so very grateful today for my recovery .thank you for sharing. I have seen great miracles in my 34 years.

  24. Hi Debbie, I am enjoying your page today, this is my first visit and I am sure I will return over and over. I am a true Southern Girl who grew up in a home that was so dysfunctional . An uncle lived in our home and was a hopeless drunk, but my mother a religious fanatic, No hate intended with that explanation of her. My father was the greatest man to walk this earth. I was abused by the uncle and never believed when I told my mother, only punished. I married the first man to come along and literally jumped into the fire from the frying pan as they say in the South. After many years of marriage I was the last to know that the man I married was a drug addict and I was living a complete lie. I took my children and ran, I did it as soon as I could gather enough financial means to get out of that house. I never wanted my children exposed to alcohol, drugs or abuse. I swore on my Dad’s life I would keep them safe and sound and always believe them no matter what the situation, unless proved wrong. Drugs sent us running, we had a long adjustment to living in the most inexpensive way possible. The projects for a short time and finally a house in a good community, My child had graduated college and was helping me with the bills. We both vowed to keep her brother, 10 years younger than her away from the negative things that teen agers get into so easily. We divorced, and his drug behavior did not change after many many trips to rehab. He simply loved the drugs more than life itself. I prayed constantly that God would see us through the toughest times of our lives and he was there for us always. I can look back at the bad situations and see my heart free from pain and hurt. God had given me the strength to let the bad times go and allow myself an open heart ready to accept happiness. You cannot have hatred and pain fill your heart and move on to happiness. After much prayer, forgiveness was there and I felt so free, God had brought me through the fire and into the light, by his gracious love my life became a happy place to be. I can never thank him enough for giving me a second opportunity at love and a true soul mate. My heart was ready to receive happiness and things have been so wonderful since then. He was the answer to my prayer, my knight in shining armor and the World’s best father for two grown children, and now a little blessing sent to us to love, a beautiful little granddaughter. She is joy to our day and sweet piece to our nights. Unfortunately the ex never stopped doing drugs and is permanent rehab. We are given the power to make choices in our life and must when we have children to consider. I am so grateful to my friends, family and God for always being by my side with a master plan for me. Thanks so much for this forum to express the things in the past and move on to a better future.
    What a wonderful person you must be to express yourself so eloquently in this blog. It was meant for me to find you and I know I will be returning to read the post often.

    • Terry, I love a happy ending.. And I thank you for sharing your awesome story here with me, and the rest of the folks that stop by..all to often these things happen, and many do not make it to see happiness at all..

      Blessings,
      Debbie

  25. What a beautiful post…. God Bless you and Mr. Shabby.

  26. Beth Wall says:

    I lost my mother June 29,2013…..I am glad she is in a better place and all of that but I am struggling…there has not been a day since she died that I haven’t cried…..at the drop of a hat….over anything or nothing… in front of everyone. I have always hated crying especially in front of anyone. I have the most wonderful husband of 23 years so in him I am blessed. I just don’t know how long this profound sadness and depression will last….. I wish you and Mr. Shabby nothing but blessed days ahead. Do you have any suggestions or advice for a truly heartbroken daughter? BTW I love your site and I hope I win these earrings!!!! thanks

    • Beth, my heart goes out to you.. It has been almost three years for me, yet seems like yesterday since I last saw her, held her, talked to her.. The pain does get a bit better. But, I still have days that I can not wrap my head or heart around the fact that she is gone..I like you, know she is in a much better place. But, that does not take away the fact that my life has forever changed by her absence.. Thank you, for the blessings for Mr Shabby and I.. we have truly been so blessed, we both know that too.. Have a wonderful weekend

      Debbie

  27. Debbie, I am rather new to your blog and have learned quickly to love it AND to love you as a sister in Christ. You are brave to put your life out there in words for us to know you….thank you. So many similarities among so many women. That makes you a beacon like a light from a light house. Continue your good works and may God Bless You. Merry Christmas.

  28. I have been reading your page and cooked a lot ofyour recipes, enter the contest but have never read you story until tonight.You have a lot of courage . MY x husband left when my children were teenagers which was hard for them, He is an alcoholic and remarried and completely had nothing to do with us. After 32 years his wife died and he thought my children should take care of him. My daughter put him in a home and he can no longer drink there, but has a lot of health problems. This had a bad effect on my son and he started to using drugs. He went thorough treatment and from the day he came out he vowed to never use again and this March he will have been sober and clean for 30 years. I hope this gives some people encouragement.

  29. Debbie,
    Thank You for sharing a part of your life. And I know You have endured so much more
    pain. I know how much you loved your Mother as We talk about each of our Mothers.
    And You called when my Mother passed You knew I was broken. And was there with an open heart.
    I Thank You for that and as for Mr. Shabby You know I have always been cheering him on. I do
    understand and I do know how he Loves You So. Thank You for Sharing just a little of your pain
    as for I know there is so much more. I find it harder to share my Life but Both of us searching
    and finding the answers in the right place,thru God himself and May he Bless You and All your Family
    Always!!
    Love, Lisa

    • Lisa, that is so true. You and I have been through many trials, and we both have come through it, by the Grace of God. When I heard your Mom had passed away, after us not chatting for bit. N way I could have no extended you an ear, from ones that knows what it is like to no longer have your Mother here in the flesh. But, how many times we have chatted, and said, our Mother’s are still with us in spirit!

      Often cheering us on, when we are right at the brink of backing out of a huge life changing decision, or just something tugging on our hearts. As long as we are still on this earth, they will always e with us in spirit, right in the very heart, where we hold on to them, and their love for us, and our love from them..

      Love ya,
      Debbie

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